Frustrating With Life

Right now, I am in the middle of 20’s life crisis. There are so much decision that I need to make that really important and for sure will affect me for the rest of my life. There are so much time that I am telling myself, “I am done” or “I am dead” and the truth is I am really done with my life.

First thing that is really frustrating right now is my job. I have been working for 3 years now in IT field and my working time is very much different from other people. I was not realistic when I accepted this job. I accepted it because it has a lot of day off, like I only work for only 3 days or 4 days a week and 1 day is 12 hours. I did not mind that 12 hours thing because I can rest for 3 or 4 days a week. Kind of cool right? But there is price that I need to pay for that. I also need to work on night shift, by rotation 2 week per month. Working on night shift is really taking toll on my health. I feel unhealthy, demotivated and confuse because it mess up with my biological clock. I am in the middle of looking for another job with normal working hour but seems like unable to find it right now. So, I am literally done and stuck doing things that I don’t like which is really sucks. Salute to all Doctors/Nurses out there that can doing their job on night shift without complaint.

The next frustrating thing is problem that I have with my mum. Not a relationship problem but problem with places that we are currently living. My mum house is 500KM/ 7hours away from mine, and she is not that healthy to live alone now. I am so worried for her. After daddy died, it was so sad to see my mum need to live alone in that house. She don’t really wanna move in with me because that is her house and she really wanna spend the rest of her life there. I, on the other hand, cannot left my job in the city because I have a lot of commitment that I need to pay- Car, House that I just bought. So, I am done. I really don’t know what to do. If I go back to my hometown, I am sure I will be jobless because there is no job that I can do near my mum’s house or even in the nearest hometown. If I am jobless, how am I gonna pay for my car and my house, and worst, how are we going to find money for our daily expenses.

And then, icing on the cake, I was accused of being late at my job interview this morning. That interviewer, did not notice that I already join the Bluejeans session for like 20 minutes prior to the interview session and then, accused me for being late? hello? Interview and all, you guys can go to hell. This is so frustrating! Never once in my life that I being late for anything especially things related to work. Ever! I guess, today is not my day. In fact today is one of the worst day in my life. I am so frustrated with myself right now and I really don’t know what to do.

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